


Golf

by Nope



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-31
Updated: 2005-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: Quibbler reporter Zacharias Smith has an article to write.
Kudos: 1





	Golf

"Her Ladyship called me Draco again," said Zach without pre-amble, pushing past Luna in the Quibbler office's cramped break-room. He grabbed his mug -- which was bright yellow, with Zacharias Smith helpfully written on the side, and hexed so that if anyone else touched it they'd get boils because Zach had spent seven years in a shared dorm and there are some habits you can't break -- and squeezed back past Luna to get at the coffee jug. Which was empty. "Buggering arse."

Luna dipped her tea strainer placidly in and out of her bone china cup. Zach glared at her.

"And I don't see why I have the Fudge story. I am a sports writer. I write about sports. I like sports."

"It was on a golf course," Luna pointed out, wide eyes staring at him inquisitively through the steam off her tea.

"That doesn't make it a sports story," growled Zach. "And why is there no coffee?"

"Garmals."

"...I don't want to know."

"They hide out in offices and come out when no one is around to drink the last of the coffee," explained Luna, unperturbed. "I was going to put cameras up to catch them but Colin said he had to use them for work."

"Did I not just say I didn't want to know?"

"I could tell you were joking." Luna sipped her tea, staring at him over the rim with vague interest.

"Why did Malfoy even buy the Quibbler?" asked Zach, plaintively. "She barely comes in as it is. And I never used to get stories where people died!"

"Pride of Portree versus Wimbourne Wasps."

"Yes, but that's Quidditch! And this is, is..."

"Golf," supplied Luna helpfully, wandering out into the main offices. Zach followed her, still talking.

"What sort of a sport is golf for a wizard, anyway? And now I'm supposed to... What? Write 'Minister of Magic scores three-under, gets squashed by bad Caddy-charm on bag-carts'?"

"I'd use more words. Or less," Luna mused, "if that's your headline." She sat at her desk and pulled the quill out from behind her left ear.

"I need coffee," Zach moaned, sitting on the desk next to her. "How am I supposed to write without coffee? Colin!"

The photographer jumped and squeaked. "I didn't do it!"

"You have coffee. Give me your coffee."

"It's mine," said Colin, cradling the mug to his chest, "and you can't have it. I need it. I have to reshoot the whole roll. Too depressing, she said. I tried to tell her, I said, Mrs. Malfoy, I said, it's a crime scene, I said, it's supposed to be depressing, but no, it's, be a dear and take them all again, there's a good boy, and never mind that I'd spent three hours developing them and what am I supposed to take pictures of, I ask you? What?! My coffee! Mine!"

He hurried off, muttering under his breath.

"Bastard," said Zach. "Look," he added to Luna, "the point is, doesn't this strike you as something major? The Minister of Magic, taking a photo-op, getting chased into a bunker and beaten to death by his auto-caddy? The first such accident ever, and it happens to Fudge? Shouldn't this be given to the crime desk, or city, or, or, or something? You know, to someone who's a real journalist? But, no, let us give the job to the Hufflepuff because no one else wants it. Do you know how many words I have? Five words. That's it. 'Crazed Caddy Carts Mangle Minister,' by Z. Smith. That's my article. It's not even a paragraph. Anybody could write this better than me. You could write it! The gargles could!"

"Garmals," said Luna, vaguely, not looking up from her writing, "and they couldn't; their hands have evolved into specialised tools, capable only of lifting coffee jugs."

"Luna," Zach snapped, but his forthcoming tirade was pre-empted by a shout of:

"Integrity!"

They both looked up as Narcissa strode into view, gold skirts swirling in an eye catching fashion.

"Honesty, impartiality, caution, propriety, objectivity; some might say these things are the very foundations of journalism." Narcissa smoothed down her dress and gave them all a benevolent smile that made Zach want to hide behind his desk until she was gone. "We are here at the Quibbler, however, to give people exactly want they want, which is to say, gossip about each other. Indeed, if it means getting a story, we have a veritable duty to compromise ourselves. So, let me never hear 'journalistic integrity' again. I require tea."

She look around with imperious expectancy.

"Excuse me," tried Zach. "Mrs. Malfoy?"

"You have my tea?"

"I, uh, I-- Yes!" He grabbed Luna's cup and held it out. "Tea! For you."

"It's quality imported lapsang souchong," said Luna. "I quite like it."

With a moue, Narcissa accepted the drink. "I shall suffer with the rest of you, I suppose."

She made to leave, but Zach interrupted.

"Mrs. Malfoy! About this story, the golf course--"

"Oh, yes. Such a tragic shame. A prominent life, cut short by a bizarre, unexplainable accident, and on such a prestigious golf course. My husband," and here she paused, looking a little misty eyed. "My husband donated generously to them in his prime, you understand." She smiled distantly at some random corner of the room, and then turned an all business look on him. "On my desk in twenty minutes. Chop chop. And Draco, darling, you really should cut your hair."

"I'm Zach, Mrs. Malfoy."

"Of course you are, dear," Narcissa said absently, vanishing into her office.

"Strange woman," said Zach, and then, "Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes?! I can't do this in twenty minutes! I couldn't do it in twenty days! I NEED COFFEE!"

There was an answering squeak from the darkroom.

Luna looked at him with big eyes, chewing on the tip of her quill. "Is it really that important?"

"Coffee," Zach gasped, "is the most important thing in the universe."

And he stomped off to find some.


End file.
